Monday, September 26, 2005

worried...

im so worried about my grades this semester..

no matter how hard i try...

but hard i work..

i dun seem to see the results...

in fact... im seeing the worst results i had ever seen in my whole day...



if i fucked up this semester...

i can jolly kiss goodbye to 1st class...

dun think it's possible to get D next year...



afterall only 3 got 1st class honours last year...

and they were supposely the cream of the crop...



whereas i'm just the crumbs of my batch...

Sunday, September 25, 2005

some fucker...

some fucker is just fucking inconsiderate...

1) he doesnt tidy up the place...

2) he has a bad attitude...

3) he got a fuck up face...


fucking bastard just left his piss n pubic hair all over the place...

just after xueling and 1 spent hours cleaning the toilet and shower room etc...

KNNBCCB fucker...

Saturday, September 24, 2005

potluck...

potluck was fantastic....

didnt had this for quite a while...



the sambal by khaseng was nice...

the chicken by xueling was good...

lemon cheesecake by mei was delicious...

rice rice by weisheng was tasty...

in short... fantastic dinner...



had some wine...

kinda tipsy now...

goin to bed...

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

artpad...

hahahaha...

so fun...



a man fishing by the river side beside his house...

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

sad...

sad...

bad...

sad...

bad...

Monday, September 19, 2005

2 times...

i just realized something gross...

i didnt brush my teeth for 2 mornings...

it's 2 MORNINGS ONLY...

i brush my teeth at nite...



the point is... i forget to brush my teeth in the morning...

but i do brush them before i sleep...

hmm.. am i repeating myself...



anyway...

blame it on sch work...

hasnt been sleepin well for the past few nites...



or rather hasnt sleep at nite...

crap...



the end...

Sunday, September 18, 2005

mooncake festival...

mooncake fest...

no mooncakes this year... again...



anyway...

an idea struck me just now when i was bathing...

maybe i can do a Newater Facilty or water museum for my final year project...

hmm...

Thursday, September 15, 2005

at times...

at times when im stressed...

ur always there to comfort me...



ur words calm my soul...



at times when im sad...

ur always there to console me...



ur presence made me happy...



at times when im down...

ur always there to encourage me...



ur words spurs me on...



at times when i need u...

ur always there for me...



but now...


im so stressed... so sad... so down...

ur not there anymore...



i wish... i hope...

u can be there for me again...



like the way i wish and i hope...

i can be there for u again...

. . . . . . . .

im so screwed...

so fucked this time...

even chris thinks im dead...



fuck her...

its only 3 days before submission then she tells me design not practical...

and gimme the stupid reason wat she regrets for not telling me earlier...



fuck her...

waste 2 weeks of my time...

i practically spent 2 weeks of my fucking life in aic...



fucking sleeping in aic...

fuckin working in aic....

fuckin eating in aic...



fuck her...

wasted my 2 weeks doing crap...

wasted my effort doing crap...


fuck...

fuck...

fuck...

Sunday, September 11, 2005

days in aic...

sucks...

stressed...



im so fucked...



6 late nights in aic...

rushing for just 1 stupid report...



disorientated...



i miss dinner...

i miss rice...

Thursday, September 08, 2005

For Alan...

Take care Alan...



You will always be remembered in our hearts...



Sorry i couldn't be there to send you off on your last journey...



. . . . .

so stressed... so sianz... so sad...

12.30am...

still in auchmuty information common (aic)...

it's my 4th night here...

dunno wat time i can go home tonite...



im so tired so tired...

been living on 4 5 hours sleep per day...

and working 20 hour shift everyday...



work is getting too taxing for me...

cant cope... and it's not only me...

it's basically everyone in class...



workload too heavy...

time given too little...

too stress... too sianz... too sad...



cant focus...

Monday, September 05, 2005

heartache...

pain...

hurts...

killing me...

depression bouts...

happened to chance upon some online depression tests...

did 5 of them...

all 5 results said i have depression...

_____________________________________________________

http://www.mayoclinic.com/invoke.cfm?objectid=3323EE4A-4AD6-4408-B82B7DDEB1D2FEB6&si=2765

Depression self-assessment
Your score is 38.


This score suggests that you experienced many symptoms of depression in the past week and have a high likelihood of having depression.

If you haven't talked to your doctor or mental health professional yet about your mood and symptoms, now is the time. Taking the assessment is a good first step. But to get the most out of it, to get a definitive diagnosis and to make sure you get appropriate medical treatment, print out the results and share them with your doctor. If you have thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, contact your doctor immediately, call 911 or emergency medical help, or go to the nearest hospital emergency room.

Depression can be insidious — it can make you lose hope and feel like everything, even medical treatment, is futile or pointless. And because depression can make it difficult to make decisions, you may delay seeking treatment while you ponder and reconsider your options, many times over. Or you may want treatment but just are unable to make the effort to get a referral or make an appointment.

But remember, safe and effective treatment for depression is available. That includes medication, psychotherapy or a combination of both.

Those feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, sadness and emptiness don't have to rule your life, though. If you are irritable, aren't sleeping well, or just don't find pleasure in the things you used to, you can do something about it.

Depression generally doesn't go away on its own, so don't try to tough it out. As with many other medical conditions, the earlier treatment begins, the more effective it is and the less likely you are to have a recurrence. Even severe depression can be effectively treated. And with treatment, you should find yourself developing better coping skills, regaining your interest in activities and enjoying life more.

____________________________________________________


though they might be online self assessment depression tests...

but i suppose there is some credibility in them...

Sunday, September 04, 2005

insomia...

it's 5am...

i cant sleep...

i hate sleepless nites like this...

it makes my mind wander...

it makes me think...

it makes me unhappy...

it makes me sad...

unproductive...

bad bad bad...

cant think...

cant focus...

cant work...

im so fucked...

Thursday, September 01, 2005

colour quiz

http://www.colorquiz.com/

existing situation >

Volatile and outgoing. Needs to feel that events are developing along desired lines, otherwise irritation can lead to changeability or superficial activities.



stress sources >

An existing situation is unsatisfactory but he feels unable to change it without cooperation; the need for understanding, for affectionate give-and-take remains unfulfilled. This not only depresses him but makes him irritable and impatient, producing restlessness and the urge to get away from the situation, either actually or, at least, mentally. Ability to concentrate may suffer.



restrained characteristics >

Feels that he cannot do much about his existing problems and difficulties and that he must make the best of things as they are. Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity.



desired objective >

Feels the situation is hopeless. Strongly resists things which he finds disagreeable. Tries to shield himself from anything which might irritate him or make him feel more depressed.



actual problem 1 >

Anxiety and a restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances or with unfulfilled emotional requirements, have produced considerable stress. He reacts by putting this down to a total lack of understanding on the part of others, and by adopting a scornful and defiant attitude.



actual problem 2 >

His natural ability to examine everything with critical discrimination has been distorted into an attitude of harsh disapproval, which opposes and denigrates without regard to the real facts.



woo....

i love the part abt the sexual activities...

>Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity.

woohoo...