tired...

fricking tired...

1.5 hours of sleep the day before...

4 hours yesterday...

another 4 hours tonite...

high-rise model-making...

1 cut...

1 chunk...

1 pint...

ouch...

s o s . . .

helped an old man today...

though i stepped on his pee and puke...

it still feels good...

screwed...

im screwed...

really screwed...

pain...

the pain...

is like a thousand arrows piercing thru my heart...

hurts...

my convocation...

it's my convocation today...

only 16 out of 76 got merit...

im among the 16...

but im not the least bit excited nor happy...

as usual... things didnt turn out too well..

i supposed i expected too much from you all...

too much maybe...




the encouragement and support is never there when i needed it...





i hate u all...

stressed + tired...

im so tired...

im so stressed...

i have lost count of the number of days i fell asleep on my desk...

my housemates are all asleep...

as usual im not the first...

the thought of giving up crossed my mind again...



dilemma...



wat the hell am i pushing myself so hard for...

why cant i be contented with juz a "pass".

is distinction really that important to me...



confusion...



is it really for myself...?

is it juz to feed my ego...?

or it is to prove to others that i have the ability to do it...?



time will soon tell...

feelings...

stressed...

troubled...

insecure...

frustrated...

depressed...

"limelight"

i hate being in the limelight...

wtf... i never fails to be in the limelight... be it for the good or for the bad stuff...

i tried to maintain a low profile... but no matter how hard i try i always fail...

i thought things might be better after i came to newcastle...

WRONG...!!! i'm fricking way wrong... the spotlight got BRIGHTER... wtf again...

i'm not the best in class... so you people dun make me the benchmark...

i'm taking it easier than u do... but when my grades are better than u doesnt mean i'm a better bootlicker... it's just that --> i study smart...

i'm like clubbing... so going out late at night doesnt mean i went to buy pros...

i chat on the phone... but that doesnt give u the reason to eavesdrop and gossip about it...

frankly speaking, what i do is none of your fricking business.. i do things the way i like and the way i wan it to be... so please divert yr attention away from me...

i' m not worthy of the "attention" u people have showered me...

really...