stressed...

im so stressed from my work til i wanna cry...

it has been a long time since i feel so stressed...

i don't know it i can finish my work on time...

but i cant focus...



stressed really hit me hard this time...

been having nightmares for the past 2 weeks...

got wakened up by stress every morning...



eyes bloodshot...

stomach growling...

neck aching...



i wanna cry...

u...

everything was fine...

until u had to spoil it by appearing in my life again...




i have tried very hard to forget...

but i am not trying hard enough...



some things are just not easy to forget...

u are one...

paintball...

went for paintball at paintball pete's today...

the place is at freesman hole i think...


there were 40 of us including 10 girls..

and we really had an enjoyable time...



the running up and down really proves that my fitness went down...

just run a bit and im starting to pant like a dog...

but nevertheless, i still managed to outrun the paintballs and "kill" a couple of my enemies...



oh... did i mentioned i brought back souvenirs...?

yah... bruises...

and a number of them...



chest... neck... shoulders... tummy and my legs...

heh heh... the one on my neck looks like a neckie...

*blush*

dilemma

in constant dilemma...

spoke to mom today...

and she is very supportive of me working here in australia...

it seems that everyone is supportive of it...

but...



i cant cross the hurdle in my mind...

i miss everything back home...

family... friends... food... and my dog too...



haiz...



i need to make a decision...

and i need to make it soon...

to stay or not to stay...

to stay or not to stay...

this issue has been bugging me for a while...

i kinda enjoy the life im having now..

the independence, the freedom etc...



it's so different from the life i used to lead in singapore...

life in singapore is so sheltered... so pampered... so protected...

i dun like it anymore...



here in australia...

i learnt how to take care of myself...

prep my own meals... pay my bills... maintain the house etc...

it's a whole new experience...



during my 3 years stay in australia...

i have learnt about many things in life...

i became more receptive of opinions...

i became more liberal about social issues...

my perception of the world widens a lot...



my perspective of life changed...



but of course there are many implications regarding my decision...

for which, family takes the priority...

ah ma already in her 80s...

pa and ma in their early 60s and late 50s...

and there is this fear of drifting family ties with my family...



secondly, there is the relationship and friends...

everyone is here... gf and friends...

they were the ppl that stuck with me through my hard times...

i dun wanna lose this bond between us...



i need to make a decision...

and i need to decide soon...

cause time is a luxury i dun have...



i wish i can have the answer tomorrow when i wake up...

:(

block...

wanna do design...

mental block...

wanna do report...

writer's block...

:(