seriously bankrupt...

i gonna be a bankrupt tomorrow...

fuck the air ticket.. took up 1 big chuck of my pay check...

had to borrow from sis coz i hasnt got my pay...

and wat i got was a series of lectures from her...

wat so late then tell her... wat nv save.. wat this n tat...

fuck lah...


my 1st pay check >

pay bills... pay debts... pay sbs n smrt... pay starhub internet... buy books... buy materials... buy lunch... buy dinner... and other misc stuff...

amount left = dollars and cents...


my 2nd pay check (dunno when can see) >

pay bills... pay sbs n smrt... pay starhub internet... buy air ticket... buy diner and lunch... and other misc stuff...

amount left = not even dollars and cents... maybe even deficit...


for fuck i work so hard when i dun even get to see the money at the end of the month..

how the fuck i save money...?

i think i need to rob some lao uncles and lao aunties in chinatown already...

or maybe some scams... the magic stone trick works well... damn it...


fuck lah... in short... 3 months... i survive on 1 month's salary...

im SU-perman indeed...

bad day...

it was a bad day...

1) had a stupid dream... thus didnt sleep well...

2) bad headache.... didnt feel too good the whole day... felt sick...

3) miss the bus... was super late for work today...

4) colleague on leave for the past few days n i had to clear her shit for her...

5) LHH had to pull some stunts and i had to change 8 drawings in 1 afternoon... mission impossible task...

6) lunch in for the 3rd time this week... bloody coffeeshop got nothing left when i went down to buy cai fan... eat bloody vegie n egg...

7) stupid ppl kept msging me on msn tellin me crap when im at my busiest and when the BUSY status is ON...

8) bloody pc hung on me and i had to resend my drawings for plotting...

9) bloody plotter hang when it was printing my drawings...

9) stupid colleague took her own sweet time to help me plot... stupid woman cant click the send icon while talking... had to finish her bo liao conversation before clicking... if i cant finish plottin in time... i have to do OT while she can just go home after 2 days leave...

10) ryan had to play me out for dinner... tmd... told my mom not goin home for dinner...

11) called every1 in my contacts... all either got appt or not in sg or out of the country...

12) walked to the bus n miss the bus again... waited for 25 mins for the next 1... wtf...

13) had to fight my way up the bus... bloody packed...

14) fell asleep on the bus... and almost missed my stop...

15) reached home... no dinner... bloody hell...

16) heart beating super fast now... cant sleep... dunno y... insomnia again i guess...

miss.... dream... headache...

haiz...

i miss u...

i dreamt of u...

haiz..

headache...

dreams...

i hasnt been sleeping well recently..

still feel sleepy though at times i slept for 9 hours...

everytime i close my eyes i start to dream...

about anything...

work... studies... accomodation... ex-gfs... current gf... and other shit...

i guess it's stress tats causing all this....

cabin crew & tarts...

it's been years...

cant she and her friends just vanish from my life totally...

fuck the tarts lah...

go get it from somewhere else...

frickin SQ bitches...

always an air of arrogance...

it's frickin irritating...

it's nothing but high altitude waitresses...

im not lookin down on cabin crews...

but they think they got class...

wtf...

waitress in airplanes and waitress in restuarants are the same lah...

i ask for a glass of ice water... u get me a glass of ice water...

finally... it's settled...

am i glad the accomodation is finally settled...

took while a quite to settle it...

caused much inconvenience to many though...

but still....


anyway...

it's a new year... new start... new place...

hope it stays clean...

bad monday...

it's a bad way to start the day... n the week...

1) didnt sleep well last nite... junior was whimpering the whole nite for some unknown reasons and i had to coax him to sleep...

2) couldnt get to sleep after that and i had to toss ard a million times before i did... and for unknown reasons again, i woke up a thousand times...

3) and during the time i was sleeping... i dreamt of her which make me sad the whole nite...

4) i woke up reluctantly at 8pm feeling tired n groggy...

5) i cut myself on my arm and the blood stained my shirt...

6) i board the 9pm bus and couldnt find a seat which i usually does...

7) i felt so uncomfy when i was on the bus... it just didnt feel too rite..

8) i reached the office super early when i could have been super late... my 2nd colleague just walked in when i was typing this blog at 9.50am...

. . . . . ?

so many things to say....

dunno how to start... where to start...

x x x x x xxx x x x x x ...

xx x x x x x x x x xx xx x x x. .x..

x x x x x x

. . . . . .

dunno why the image of your blur face came into my mind...

oh i miss u so much suddenly...

the blur n dumb look...

haiz...

still dreaming...

im still dreamin of you...

how i miss u so...

time of the year...

it's tat time of the year again..

i hate tat time of the year...

i hate adding up the numbers...

going into the thousands...

all the dollars aand cents...

they just meant an extra burden to the family...

fuck the education...

time flies...

XL, my ex-gf from 5 years ago dropped by today...

to pick up some egg tarts...

like she always do every year...

though i didnt see her personally...

it's still good to hear that she is engaged and doing well now...

here... i wish her all the best...

rainy day... moody day...

rainy day... moody day...

the sky's been raining non-stop for a day...

i can see my mood in the sky...

dark n gloomy...


still awake at 2am in the morning...

been tossing n turning in bed for the last 2 hours...

just cant get to sleep...


there's just too many things on my mind...

and it's really bothering me too much...

i wish i can get my mind off them but i can't...


questions remained unanswered...

problems remained unsolved...

and the stress adds on everyday...


i need a solution...

i need a gun...

dependant fucks...

fuck you all lah...

u all so free then u all go n do lah...

im not so free like the rest of u fucks out there...

dun fuckin depend on me to do all the shit job for u all...

sting in the heart...

everytime i realize how far u r from me...

i can feel the sharp sting in my pain...

pains badly...

walk at chinatown..

it was a lonely walk at chinatown...

the slight drizzle adds to the loneliness and sorrow...

the crowd n noise at the bazaar didnt help to make me feel better...

stress...

stress...

im so fricking stress...

and it's coming from all directions...



so many things yet remain undone...

dunno how to start...

dunno where to start...



i need directions...

gays...

gays...

im quite alright with them...

until i met this 1...

fuckin disgusting...

with a fucking disgusting smile...

and tries fucking hard to be cute...



seriously...

if you are gay...

u should realize yr bloody existence is a mistake...



do the right thing n throw yrself outta window...


im a fucking magnet for weirdos...

plans...

i have so many plans for the future...

but the time is just not right now...

wait... wait... wait...

2005 -> 2006

end of 2005...

full of ups n downs...



start of 2006...

hope life will get better...

another year to go...

and i will be free from all the shit...

time of the year...

i hate this time of the year when i have to do my maths abt my education in aus...

i fricking hate adding up the numbers to see them go into the thousands...

every digit in the total figure means an additional burden to the family...

fuck this paper qualification...

fuck this society...

fuck me...