pain...

now im beginning to feel the pain...

the truth and the lies...

life...



i have been lying to myself for so long over so many things...

now the lies have become the truth which i believe in...



the mask that i have worn for so long has become a part of me...

it became my face...



my life...

is full of self denial...



which i have been living in for so long...

now this denial became a part of my life...

one that i have grown to live in...



the life i once had became non-existent...

the truth i once believe in is now an illusion...

death...

when one fears death no more...

one fears nothing no more...

misunderstood...?

perhaps im really misunderstood...

not others who are misunderstood by my words and actions...

but rather myself who is misunderstood by my own words and actions...



maybe they are right abt me after now...



it's me who is always escaping from reality that creates this false impression of myself...



im beginning to think it's me...


i beginning to find the face in the mirror unfamiliar...

flirt...?

someone made a statement about me today...

something about me being a flirt..

haiz...

i dunno why...

but this statement affects me a little...

hmm...

a tribute...

this entry is a tribute to the people who have coached and guided me during my architecture course in the university of newcastle..

in no order of preference, these ppl are >


Bach of Architecture

david stafford
archi 5 year manager

lindsay johnston
archi 5 mentor

roger auckland
archi 5 mentor

steffen lephman
archi 5 mentor

john roberts
archi 5 mentor

richard leprastrier
conjoint professor

peter stutchbury
conjoint professor


chris landorf
archi 4 mentor

steven flemming
archi 4 mentor

james
archi 4 mentor




Bsc Architecture

john drake
archi 3 mentor

graeme
archi 3 mentor

lindsay johnston
archi 3 mentor

final exhibition...

today is a happy day...

hohoho~~~

so many ppl likes my design...

hohoho~~~

everyone is so curious abt it...

hohoho~~~

everyone is asking me abt it...

hohoho~~~

i heard so much comments abt it...

hohoho~~~



but....

however much the public loves it...

it's not gonna affect my marks...

michael o, david stafford and tat old gordon fart better like it...

tmd...

smile...

it's so hard to fake a smile...



i hate pretending to be happy when im not...

lousy...

today marks the last day of my student life... hopefully...

but instead of being excited about taking a new step in life...

im feeling lousy instead...

very lousy in fact...



i think i hasnt put in enough effort in work...

i think i should have worked harder..

im seriously disappointed with myself...

and the immaturity attittude towards work...



i think i will work harder if given the opportunity to try again...

but it's too late now...



so for now...

leave me alone...

i need it...

no work please...

i have had enough of work...

please stop asking me about work...

gimme some space...



i need a break...

i need some fresh air...