i'm guilty...

if loving you is a crime...

then i deserve the death sentence...

你比从前快乐 - 周杰伦

你比从前快乐 - 周杰伦

走在熙来攘往的街头
你不再牵着我的手
小心翼翼的将你的小指勾
泪也小心翼翼的流

有些事情你在瞒着我
你终于还是开了口
淡淡一句　还是朋友
撕裂的心　犹如刀割

知道分手后你不难过
你比从前快乐
那祝福的话叫我如何能够说的出口

过往的欢乐是否褪色
想问你怎么舍得
不要在耳边再说你会想我

. . . . .

confused...

but im confused...

i wonder how she feels about all these...

does she still have feelings...?

or have they died...?



she asked if im gonna look for her after i grad...

she is always askin me this...

is it just to make me feel good or does she meant it...?



she said she's playful...

i admit i'm playful too...

and i have played around too much...

time to do some self-reflection...



another 1.5 years to go...

not too long... not too short...

sucks...



i have many frens who broke up with their spouses...

only to come back after some years later and got married...

i wonder if my story is gonna be the same...



is my story gonna have a fairy tale ending...?

or had the story ended...?



i wish it's not the latter...

SHE...

She looked haggard...

She looked sick...

She looked tired...

but...

She still look Beautiful to me...

She still look Sweet to me...

She still is the Angel in my heart...



i still miss Her...

i still love her...



i do...

i really do...

heavy heart...

it's weighing down on me...

i thought i have come to terms with it...

i never know seeing her again has such great impact on me...

time seemed to stop at that very moment..

i have so many things to say...

but i just got tongue-tied when i see her...



going to valley park to collect my stuff was easy...

leaving was difficult...

each step i take drains my energy...

i told myself not to look back... not to look back...

but i failed...

i stopped at the gate and turned my head...



sadness filled my heart...

the place where we have many happy and sad memories...

the place we fight...

the place we hug...

the place we kissed...

all these are all things of the past...

all i can do now is reminisce...



i wonder when can i get to see her again...

when will i get to hold her hands again...

after i grad...?

maybe never...

i dunno...

distinction... worth it...?

got a distinction for my sem 1...

happy...?

yes and no...

are all the late and sleepless nites worth it...?

is the loss of some1 worth it...?

i dunno...

i dun wanna know...

i dun wanna think...

the answer is not important...

安静 - 周杰伦

安静 - 周杰伦

只剩下钢琴陪我谈了一天
睡着的大提琴安静的旧旧的

我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道你没有舍不得

你说你也会难过我不相信
牵着你陪着我也只是曾经
希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开

你要我说多难堪我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你是因为我太爱你

. . . . .

life's never a smooth sailing journey...

heaven hasnt been nice to me recently...

unhappy events just kept happening...

just to list a few...

1) ah ma hospitalized...

2) the failed relationship...

3) the unhappiness @ work...

4) flu + cough + occasionally fever + on off on off headaches...


1 --->
ah ma been hospitalized for days... though she is doin well... but this is a showing sign that she is aging...

im just so worried about her... who's gonna be around to take care of her and the family...? papa & uncle are not feeling ok either...

dajie going to shanghai for 6 months... erjie always tighted down with busy worl schedule... brother moving out soon... im going off in 3 weeks time...

if something were to happen who's gonna be around to handle it...


2 --->
kelly and me are not longer together... though the pain doesnt hurt as much now... but it still pinches at times...

though i didnt mention anything about this to the family.. but i guess the family knows more or little about it...

as usual.. the finger always points to me when something is wrong... no1 bothers to listen to the story... or at least my story...

i reckon it doesnt matters to them... afterall a failed relationship is a failed relationship...


3 --->
work wasnt pleasant at times... guess this is the reality of working in the society...

director says gimme a chance... architect says dun waste time... wtf...

ppl busy with project... i help... i OT with them...

i busy with project... they see.... i OT alone...

best part... the director never comes to me before 6...

wtf again...


4 --->
cough + flu + fever + headache makes a good combination in a bad sense...

3 weeks and still havnt recover...

guess my immune system is screwed.. just like the host...

i... i'm... done for...

crap...



if there is a god... please grant me the strength to fight on...

if there is a satan... i'll gladly trade my soul for evil powers...

sick... still...

im still sick...

damnnit...

3 weeks liao...

flu still there...

cough still there...

can sense sore throat and fever coming...

troubled + unhappy + worried...

life hasn't been fantastic recently...

work is dreadful...

losing the desire and passion to work...

watsmore...

with what is happening at home just makes me feel more uneasy and worried...

work + family is really taking a toil on me...

hardly had any private time...

hardly had any personal time...

hardly had any time to rest well...

all these are really taking a toil on me...

trouble maker...

im such a trouble maker...

always causing trouble to others...

haiz..

shouldnt have come back...

now i caused ah ma to get pheunomnia...

now i got every1 sick...

all my fault...

always my fault...

will never forgive myself if anything happens to ah ma...

:(

sorry...

im a carrier... sorry...

it's all my fault...

it's my virus that got my grandma infected...

:(

now she's hospitalized...



all my fault...

i shoud have gone to see the doc for my illness..

now i got everyone sick...

it's all me causing trouble to every1...



sorry...

burnt out...

exhausted..

tired...

shack...

hasnt been home early for many many nites...

OT OT OT...

no more to work...

no desire to work...

guess im burnt out...

after all the submissions i had...

after all that has happened...



break...

i need a break...

sianz...

sianz...

fcuking sianz...

super duper fcuking sianz...

mask...

damn the mask...

fuck it...

opportunity...

new job new opportunity...

shiok...

design design design...

keep me busy...

i like...

miss...

missing some1...

missing You...

sick...

flu + sore throat + fever = sick...

im sick...

feels terrible...

frens vs sex...

guys are so fucking cheap...

fall out because of gers...

this is complete stupidity...



gers are not worth a frenship...

this i have come to realize...

total devotion does not equate to total commitment...

personal experience...

so do not fall into this "beauty trap..."



frens used to be the number 1 prority...

until i met HER...

SHE then became number 1 prority...

but i was wrong in my judgement...

for she proved to me that FRENs deserved the number 1 spot...

and now... FRENS is number 1 prority is here to stay...

the stupidity has to end somewhere...

the phone call...

SHE called...

SHE cried...

SHE hung up...



im confused...

i dun wanna think...

i dun wan...

bbq = food + fun

just got back from xueling's birthday bbq...

the food was good...

the conversation was interesting...

the place is nice...

the view is fantastic...



met a few new frens...

conversational...

pretty...

sweet...

hmm...



too bad no partner to bring...

xueling's mum was expecting some1...

but to her disappointment i went alone...

too bad...



anyway hoped xueling liked the present i got for her...

and hoped she enjoy herself tonight...


me...?

of coz i enjoyed myself...

fuck this feeling...

feelings flowing in me...

memories flooding my mind...

sentimental i am tonight...



crap...

i fucking hate this feeling...

i dun wanna feel this way...

fuck this feeling...



numb me...

i wanna feel pain no more...

i wanna feel hurt no more...

i wanna become emotionless...

i wanna be devoided of all feelings...

self deceived...

nites are still long...

still cold...

still lonely...

i thought i have gotten over it...

but it hasn't...

what's meant to be is meant to be...

let time heal the wounds...

how long it's gonna take...?

i dunno...



all this while im just deceiving myself...

it hurts...

but i pretend it's not...

it stings...

but i just take it as an itch...



this mask...

is choking me...



suffocating...

love fool...

LOVE...

is just a game for love fools...

yah...

that's me...



100% commitment doesn't not guarantee a 100% return...

proved...



1.5 years...

3 sem breaks...

1 new guy per sem break...

it just shows...



im just stupid...



now im devoted no more...

it's not worth it...

fun...

busy having fun...

no time to blog...

muahhahhha..

HOME...

the air is definitely fresher back home...

the subway vs technical challenge...

hahaha...

finally... the last assignment for the sem...

way ahead of deadline...

relaxing for me... but not for xueling...

muahahahaha...

she's so desperate that she is willing to eat the 2 weeks old subway bread...

in return... i will do her technical for her..

hahaha...

tok about being desperate and willing to risk having diarrhoea...

mood mood mood...

holidays are coming...

great..

finally a break...

then again...

i still got to finish this technical phase..

crap...

stupid-er by the day...

true...

stupid-er by the day...

simple technical drawings i cant draw...

simple maths i cant calculate...

stupid...

statistics...

bombed with a red letter today...

angeline...

a good fren of mine is getting married...

too bad for the guys out there...

the stats for singles just gone down by 1...

married up by 1...

dun ask me when is my turn...

coz i dunno...

not in the near future...



fear has gotten me...

committment to a marriage is way too fearful for me...

no more 100% into this gamble called LOVE...