1 last cry.. 1 last goodbye..

all good things must come to an end..

this moment would be the last moment...

bye... n take care...

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i got so much to say...

good deed..

did a good deed today...

helped a poor lady pushed her broke-down car off the road to the carpark...

:D

respect...

u know i fucking hate it...

yet u fucking do it...

u dun deserve any respect if u cant give others' theirs...

3 + 3 = 1

3 nites...

3 dreams...

1 girl...



i miss you...

misunderstood...

nothing beats being misunderstood...

wat makes it worse is that there is not chance for explanation...

forget... forget... forget...

if one day i no longer cares abt anything...

it means i have forgotten everything...

life...?

is life destined..?



we walk the path that is laid...?

or...

we lay the path that we walk...?

a mask...

life is beginning to go back to the times...

when i have to live behind a mask...

the dreadful mask...


everyone sees the smile on the mask...

but not the sadness behind it...


the voice within remains unheard...

the sorrow of the one remains unknown...


if only i can...

i would...

but... doing so would hurt everyone...


rather every1 get hurts...

let me be the one instead...

afterall... im already used to carrying the burden alone...


everyone thinks im happy im back...

but deep inside im not...

not that im not happy to be back...

but rather i dun feel anything now... being here... or back there...


all or most of my friends envy me for getting a job which allows me to let my creative ideas flow...

but it's the holidays... i need the holidays to relax...

i wanna slack at home... watch some dvds... read some books... surf some net... and play a few games like...

like most of my classmates do....

or spend some time doing research for my final year project...

but i need to earn my air ticket back...


i wanna cry...

i wanna just cry my heart out...

but i just cant...


i wanna hide...

i wanna run...

but i cant...


i wanna go to a new place...

a place where no1 knows me...

i wanna live my life anew...

try everything again...

this place is just not for me...

i dun like it here... i dun like it back there...

i dun like it anywhere....


i have so much thoughts...

i dunno where to start...

i dunno how to start...

i dunno wat to start with...

i dunno how to write...

i dunno how to express...


suck...

circumstances...

circumstances...

sometimes forces a man to walk a path he doesnt not desire...

and do the things against his will...



if only he has a choice...

he would have chosen wat he wanted...



if only people would listen to him...

and understand his feelings...



then he wouldnt have felt so terrible inside...



for it is not his wish to hurt anyone...

u think....

everything is so easy...

if it was..

i would have done it long time ago...

you are the devil... you are the god..

im just a bidding ordinary...

who is the one tat is hurt the more...


it's me...

dream.... dream... dream... disturbing..

had a dream this morning...

not scary... but disturbing...

VERY DISTURBING...

it still echos in my mind...



now i know how much kelly means to me...

sinking...

im sinkin into depression i think...

felt so fucked since morning...

was nt a fantastic day to start with anyway...



had a fucked up dream...

dreamt tat my mom turned into a monster and i had to decapitate her to take her down...



then u spilled some cereal on my top without realizing it until i got to my office...

tried so hard but just couldnt remove the stain...


suddenly felt lost and confused as i was walkin to the bus stop...

began to doubt my interest in this field and the goal in my life...

began to doubt who i love and who really loves me...



had a fight with alicia again when i got to my office...

thus unable to focus on my work...



been drifting in n out of my daziness since morning...

dunno wat to do... dunno wat can i do... dunno what should i do...



meaning of life began to blur...

what am i doin here...

felt so lost...

felt so sick...



life has not meaning to me...

who am i living my life for...?

myself...? my family...? my loved ones...? my friends...?

i dunno...



so many things in my heart i wanna say...

but dunno how to pen it down...

dunno who to tok to...


so many things i wanna do...

but beyond my means...

beyond my time...



so many things i wanna achieve...

but beyond my capability...

beyond my dreams...



life sucks...

i would die with no regrets if i have to die now...

unhappy...

dunno why...

but im not feeling happy these few days...

felt kinda lost....

yesterday i took the train to n fro orchard 4 times...

walk up n down orchard a couple of times aimlessly...

only to end up at my final destination (my home) before 11pm...

which had never happened before in decades...

dun feel good...

not feeling good...

redundance...

redundant actions = redundant squabbles...

this is stupid...

cant believe it...

let it be me...

if someone's gonna hurt hurt by all these...

let the someone be me...

i started it...

i deserve it...

santa claus...

found this on the net >>>

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 1 in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second; a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal anoint, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now

bad weather...

the sun shines no more...

gloomy weather ahead...

learn n forget...

im a selfish bastard...

im a jerk...

but 1 day i will learn to forget...

there's something about rich people...

money is not everything...

rich does not equate to elite...